Friday, January 4, 2013
10 Ridiculous Perfumes That Might Seduce You
Perfumes will always be popular – they’re a great way to make you smell nice. But sometimes people come up with ideas for perfume that are bat-shit insane. And then – making you wonder if they are constantly on mescaline – they follow through with it.
This list is dedicated to all those who had a bad idea and decided, sadly, that going through with it was the right course of action. They may have come up with the worst perfumes ever made – but they had a goal, and for all we know, they had a good time achieving it. Below, you will see perfumes that range from the bizarre to downright offensive.
Fat Electrician
The name for this perfume makes you wonder if the executives at Etat Libre d’Orange were sitting around at a board meeting, banging their heads against their desks to come up with new ideas. Perhaps they decided that the best way to figure it out would be to put a bunch of random objects on a wheel, spin it and then throw knives at it to decide the name and inspiration for their next perfume.
I’m not sure why creating a perfume named after the sort of person you expect to smell pretty much the opposite of good was a smart idea. But then again, anyone who would name a perfume “fat electrician” (bearing in mind that the goal is to sell said perfume) is probably not entirely sane anyway – so I’m going to go with complete lunacy as our explanation for this one.
Vulva Original
I’m not really sure we need to say anything about this one, since the name explains it in a nutshell. They try so hard to claim they are not really a perfume – but that’s because they think that “bottled essence of vagina” is more appealing. But this is a nonsensical product, which the designers are pushing on fellow perverted lunatics who can’t get the real thing.
The website claims that it can provide you with the essence of the real thing; all you need to do is splash a few drops on your skin to get that wonderful feeling of being seduced by a vagina. I think that the creators belong in a mental hospital.
Lady Gaga’s “Fame” Perfume
Lady Gaga is known for being shocking; it’s reached a point where the only thing she could possibly do to surprise someone would be to walk on stage with a normal dress, and sing a ballad about love while playing the piano. Her shtick, so to speak, is stuck – she needs to freshen up her act.
But her familiar wildness doesn’t make her new Fame perfume any less disgusting. Her perfume is reported to contain actual blood and semen – horrendously nightmarish on more levels then we can possibly count. The target market may well be vampires and serial killers.
Eau De Macbook Pro
We all know someone who is so obsessed with Apple products that they cannot stop thinking about it for more than five minutes. Well, someone decided to take the obsession to an entirely new level. They decided that it wasn’t enough to just use your macbook, admire its beauty and brag about it to your friends; you needed to be able to smell like macbook at all times.
The designers of this perfume have incorporated such incredible smells as cardboard, ink, plastic and aluminum. While they might have gone a long way toward creating a perfume that smells like a computer, we cannot help but feel that this is entirely ill-advised – especially if one is single and searching. We love using our computers, but we obviously don’t use them for their smell. But it’s a great solution if you want to smell like you just rolled around in printer ink and plastic grocery bags at your local landfill.
Marijuana
Many people – even those who don’t smoke weed – enjoy the smell of cannabis. It’s a very strong odor, but it’s obviously not an unpleasant one. It has a sweet, fragrant aroma that will make you feel great, and smell great to everyone around you. The designers figured that a marijuana-scented perfume would be a great way to get the experiencewithout actually using Marijuana.
The biggest problem with this perfume is that in many parts of the world, Cannabis is still very much illegal. Now you can have all of the risks of someone reporting you for cannabis usage, without any of the good bits – the worst of both worlds if I’ve ever seen it.
His Money
We know that the capitalists in this country have gone a little over the edge of sanity when someone decides it’s a good idea to design and distribute a perfume that has no purpose, besides appealing to people’s sense of greed. It’s not expensive enough for the truly rich to find it suitably classy. This means that it’s marketed to young white collar hopefuls, who think that making it from junior deputy assistant to deputy assistant is really “making it”. Now he can smell like money through the whole process.
Play-Doh Perfume
If you can’t make it back to kindergarten – whether by court order or circumstance – then this perfume is supposedly the next best thing.
The scent is supposed to take you back to another time and place; you will re-live your early years as a child! It seems that the creators of this perfume think that our fondest childhood memories were of using Play-Doh. They forget that the real joy of Play-Doh was throwing it at girls.
Funeral Home Perfume
Demeter claims that they didn’t actually plan this particular name for their perfume. They claim that they were making a new fragrance; someone said that it smelled like a grandfather’s funeral, and that they should call it “Funeral Home”. According to Demeter, they loved the idea – and the rest was history.
I’m not sure I really believe that a professional fragrance company would name its new perfume on a whim – but we can be sure that you would struggle to find a less attractive name for a fragrance. If you want everyone to think you are dead – or at least wish you were – then pick up a bottle of Funeral Home today.
Burger King “Flame” Perfume
Burger King has always been a fan of very bizarre viral marketing; they created the subservient chicken, after all. They also have had intensely creepy commercials that star the Burger King himself in suggestive poses in your own bed. However, they really took the disturbing cake with their latest marketing gimmick.
Burger King created a perfume that was designed specifically to sell in their fast food outlets – because everyone shops for perfume at burger joints. The perfume is supposed to smell like “seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat”. While every perfume on the planet wants to smell seductive, the flame broiled meat part does not exactly sound tantalizing. Perhaps Burger King is trying to do too many things at once? I love burgers that smell like meat, but I’m not sure I want my significant other to smell like a Whopper.
Pizza Hut Perfume
Pizza Hut in Canada decided that they should branch out from mere pizza. After what we can only assume was a particularly booze-filled board meeting, it seems that marketing executives decided that on a perfume that smells like pizza.
During their testing phase, they were surprised that cheese does not make for a nice-smelling perfume – and apparently went through several rounds to get the right smell. Unfortunately for those of you who want to get your hands on the new perfume – advertised as having “top notes of freshly baked, hand tossed dough” – it only had a very limited run. I’m not sure why someone would want to smell like food – especially greasy, cheesy food – but who are we to judge?
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